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#218 – Live Teardown: 3 Cold Emails from Good to Great

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#218 – Live Teardown: 3 Cold Emails from Good to Great

August 25, 2021

Today we are going to share what is wrong with three cold emails we received, and what we will do to make them better, so that more people want to reply to them.

Email 1

Jack <> {COMPANY}

Hey Jack,

Saw your promo video on your Udemy course. Our tool helps creators to transcribe and transform a long recording into bitesize promo videos in a few clicks. 

Right now we are talking to course creators like you, to understand how you promote your videos on social media and what are the major pain points in exchange for lifetime access. 

Do you have 15 minutes this week for a quick call?

Best,

R

Co-founder at {COMPANY}

PS: If you don’t want to hear from me anymore, just let me know

–2 days later

Hi Jack,

Benefit: The next course is on us.
Social Proof: 22 course…created
CTA: Do you have any courses that you’re planning to create a promo video for this year?

Best,

R

Email 2

Subject: savings time

Hi Jack, 

Are you currently using personalized intros for your cold email outreach?

We’ve developed an AI based system that writes 1k+ intros per hour, hyper-personalized to your prospects based on recent news, case studies, and much more.

Mind if I send over a sample of what that looks like at scale?

Will you send me 100 prospects on your list and I’ll give you the personalizations via google sheets so you can take a look?

Thanks,

Hans

PS. Yes, this is how your intro would have abeen written: I appreciate that you are offering a service that can help B2B companies generate 133% more revenue. It’s great that your service can help companies save time with lead generation.

————————

Email 3

subject : QuickMail / Hello Outbound intro

Hi Jeremy,

A few of our clients have been mentioning QuickMail as a tool they are exploring, which gave me the idea to reach out and discuss a potential partnership.

Our platform delivers prospect data for outbound sales efforts that our client’s then export into outreach tools like yours. 

We might be able to help QM tap into buying signals like recent hires, job postings, funding events, and technologies.

Are you open for collaboration this year?

Thank you,

If you are seeking for more knowledge about sales outreach, prospecting, copywriting and list building, check out our https://course.quickmail.io/. It’s perfect if you have a newly hired team member to bring him up to speed to get busy people to answer. Try it out 4 weeks for free to see if it is what you are looking for!

Happy cold emailing!

Jeremy and Jack

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